For simplicity sake, let's just go with the assumption that the unidentified 'victim' is a woman, contrary to what many of you might have seen or heard from various channels.For those of you who are clueless, here's a brief overview of the incident.
Quote: Onlookers watched, but no one came to her rescue. Unquote. Most were busy taking videos of what was happening on the podium. A group of four men openly molested a girl at the New Year's count down party at Siloso beach. There was an outcry among Singaporeans on the issue and a poll was done on facebook to gather the numbers in support of those who thought that she deserved it and those who felt sorry for her.
I find the topic of debate extremely insignificant. Did she deserve it? Ha.
We live in a relatively conservative society and many Singaporeans who were interviewed didn't condoned to the behavior of the 4 men. However, under such circumstances, can we really blame them for their actions? Did she not, through her body language and gestures, transmit a certain message to the people around her which then provided a platform for such acts to be carried out on her?
Let's look at what she did that screamed for the wrong attention:
She clearly indicated her intentions (or lack of it) when she paraded in her, not-bikini but PINK Lingerie (how is that even sexy? It's a beach party for crying our loud) at Siloso beach. What was worst, she appeared to be tipsy and in the company of equally tipsy, unreliable girlfriends who were incapable of hurting a fly. I'm not making assumptions here, but such actions clearly showed that she didn't mind being taken advantage of. How?
Did she retaliate? There were no 'violent' objections on her part, (trust me, women know how to get very violent) but she appeared rather comfortable while her breast continuously needed to be supported by a random stranger. She was obviously not drunk because she still had control of her footing, but not 'sane' enough to do something about the situation.
It's almost like she WANTED it.
We still feel sorry for her?
Scantily clad, extremely tipsy, girls are easy prey for men seeking out such parties to get some 'sugar'. Why else would guys go to such parties? (Don't get all self-righteous on me boys, the ugly truth is out)
We have become a cosmopolitan society, simulating western culture. Such parties are not new to our young anymore. We know the dangers of such parties and yet we still go for them. We all have our different reasons but we take precaution. When you put yourself under such a compromise, things ARE going to get ugly, especially so if you are a female.
In relation to the above mentioned, What you wear, how you walk and what you drink, speaks volumes of you. So even if you've not said a thing, you've said it all.
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I would say that I would have tried to gather some help from the security or stepped up to the guys. Then again, when it really happens, I am not sure i would be able to muster enough courage to do so.
ReplyDeleteMany have varied views on this. I guess it was definitely her body language which implied to by-standers whether it was apt to pull her away from the guys. As depicted in the Idols of the Tribe - we rush to conclusions. I guess only the woman would know what thoughts were running through her mind. My personal view is that it is unfair for us to judge if the woman really deserved it or not because we may not know the whole truth.
However, the inaction by the passive on looking crowd busy video-taping the process was disturbing. If she really was molested under their nose, yet received no help, does this mean that no one will stand up to the law-breakers no matter how serious the crime?
It is definitely a cause for worry.
I agree with your view that our body language does all the talking for us, therefore it is always important to be giving out the right vibes especially when attending parties like this.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason why she(assuming she is a woman) got taken advantage of was because she let it happen.
Although many might deem this as unfair as they feel that any other man could have done what she did (fulfill all the party no-nos) by getting drunk, arriving barely dressed and with the lack of trustworthy company, and not get violated.But this is only due to the gender divide and us females have to understand that.
Although men and women attend parties like this in the name of fun, women have take extra efforts by being cautious in order to ensure their security as they cannot measure up to the masculity of men when the situation calls for it.
I have to agree with you that the inaction of the onlookers is a cause for worry.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness for our recent education on the Distortions of Communication as mentioned in the idols of the Tribe. We have definitely gained a better understanding of how one should analyze and perceive information before making judgments.
Yes I agree with you that she was asking for it because of her body language.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, body language is very subjective. And I believe that if this leads to a litigation, the men will be at a sever disadvantage. That is because the law favours women in that way, but I believe that is not the focus here.
Back to the topic, if she had resisted or shown signs of struggle immediately upon 'contact' with the first guy, the message she sent will be crystal clear regardless of whatever was interpreted before. But that was not the case, according to your post.
Should we feel sorry? No.
Should we blame the Singaporeans who did not help? No.There was no signs of distress and any attempts to help might be considered rude and instrusive, they might even be termed to be 'busybodies'.
-K-
Good point. Interesting to note how the inaction of the onlookers are viewed differently by different people eh? Thanks for the Comment :)
ReplyDeleteGood day!
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think the main cause for concern would be the inactivity of the onlookers. Yes it might be a somewhat "interesting" show considering the mundane aspects of life. Yes it might be pretty awesome to record the entire incident and show it to everyone else.
But what if it had happened to someone close? (hypothetically, of course.) Will one do the same and whip out his/her nifty handphone camera and record it?
I hope not.
This act of inactivity communicates to others that we, the people of Singapore, have a lack of moral courage, the ability to speak up in the face of a wrongdoing.
Thanks kevin :)
ReplyDeleteHypothetical example was a good point. We would definitely not stand by and not do anything if we were talking about a friend in such a situation.
Many people however, gave various reasons for not acting as they should have. As mentioned by ken, inaction on their part could have been due to the woman's lack of struggle. Indicating that she might have excepted it. What's interesting to note is that there was no formal complain from her after the incident.
Still, you brought up a very good point. The onlookers represent us, what would we have done?
Well, I think that so much would not have happened if the girl had shown some sort of defence to protect herself. I agree that she might not have been drunk but not too sane either. With it, these gave the four men "a golden opportunity" to try their luck. Unfortunately, it worked well for them. I hope the public will learn from such incidents and take more precautions when attending such parties in the future.
ReplyDeleteSuch incidents have been happening too often for us not to be aware of it. we ARE aware. now the only thing is to 'play smart'
ReplyDeletethanks for the comment :)
It is quite freaky that everyone just stood by and let it happen, but let's face it - she was kind of asking for it, dressing and dancing like that. I'm not saying she deserved it, because nobody does, but what kind of message is she sending by doing such things?
ReplyDeleteNice analysis, Mel! (:
Like what they say its takes both hands to clap to get something going on,if not she would have struggled and people will start coming to her rescue.So end of day is it a miscommuncation of her that landed her in such a state or there is more than meets the eye. You never know that she might have being drugged to act in such a way, such things are common in parties.
ReplyDeleteYes there are numerous possibilities in events like these.....
ReplyDelete'It takes two hands to clap" Extremely true.
Thank you for your input :)
Body language and suggestive dressing do play an important role in giving men an opportunity to misbehave. However, one shouldn’t condone their inappropriate behaviour nor should there be any room for explanations with regards to such misconduct.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, I agree that women should take extra precautions when attending such parties and moderate their alcohol consumption for they should be fully aware of the possible consequences. This said, modesty should not be seen as subsidiary too. I am particularly appalled by the onlookers who did nothing to stop the four men from sexually assaulting the woman. Yes, she might have brought it upon herself and had apparently been in the absence of reliable company. Upon seeing this, shouldn’t then the public take charge and salvage that girl from sheer exploitation of modesty?
It baffled me how the interviewees responded when Razor TV personnel interviewed them. They simply said that “it would have been too much of a trouble if they got involved” or even worse, “she deserves it because she was at such a party”. However we choose to argue this case, at the end of the day, we have compromised on our values and respect for human kind. Have we then lost our morals and humanity at the growing rate of practicality and logic?
Pinchin,
ReplyDeletethanks for the extremely long post.
It's called the by stander effect. Most of us are guilty of it, though we may not admit to it. What would you have done...?
Wow... very intense topic huh.
ReplyDeleteIt was a hell of a party but i think I wasn't there when it happened.
Ridiculous bystanders taking pictures. Don't you think it was a bit harsh for you to say that she deserved it?
Val, that's the truth. You WERE THERE!?! Hahah Ok what would you have done in that situation?
ReplyDeleteYES! You were supposed to come but you had church.
ReplyDeleteAnyway.... I wouldn't have been able to go on stage to stop the 'molest' But i wouldn't have watched like it was a show. If only people could think like me la..
I like the way you ended it: "What you wear, how you walk and what you drink, speaks volumes of you. So even if you've not said a thing, you've said it all".
ReplyDeleteVery true. Although I don't take this course, I believe there is a truth that how you carry yourself speaks volumes of you.
She was definitely asking for the 'wrong' attention with her gestures.
Girls nowadays should be extra cautious. Too many of such 'parties' give these type of men a reason to make a move.
ReplyDeletePlus the way you dress and carry yourself also indicate how you want to be treated. Some girls have the 'DONT't talk to me face" and we guys buzz off. But in her case..... She was looking for trouble.
The "by stander effect" Is that coined by Singaporeans themselves?
ReplyDeleteI mean, how can one sit and watch or worse, videotape such an event? To me, it’s a social responsibility as a person, as a human to do the right thing. If I were there, or in any other similar situation whereby a person is publically tested for his or her modesty, I would definitely push them away, with the help with a few guys, to salvage that little pride that is left of the victim. Yes, it will be difficult to move around, considering the context of the situation and its environment (all fun and crowded). However, if you are fully aware of what’s going on, and you have choice and means to do something about it, why not do it? I mean, it will irk or even haunt me if I could have done something about it and I didn't.